When you are delivering news and/or information to an audience that may not like what you are saying, you must meet people where they are or you will lose that audience and your ability to influence them.

Let’s say you are introducing a new process to a team. You have reviewed all the options and made a sound decision. Your next task is to think about how this decision will be received. What if the people who will execute on that decision feel they are already overburdened? People don’t like change and employees who already feel frenzied will push back.

Your first key message must recognize what they are currently doing well. Then, acknowledge that change can be difficult and meet them where they are in that anxiety/reluctance/anger (everyone will have a different level of emotion).

Bad: We’ve decided to make changes in the way we are processing quarterly reports in order to streamline the process and make it easier for clients to access. A new software package has been purchased and you’ll have a training schedule soon.

Good: After listening to comments from you and our clients, we are making changes to how quarterly reports are processed. You have done a great job with them and (not but) now it’s time to streamline the process to make it easier on everyone. In order to do that, we will need new software. We know you have a lot on your desks and this will mean extra effort to learn the software. We have made arrangements to delay deadlines (or share workloads, etc) in order to make it easier for all of you to learn the new system. Our goal is to ultimately save you time and also make it easier for clients to access their information.

See the difference? Meet them where they are — “I don’t have time for this”; “are they crazy?”; “when am I supposed to learn all this and get my regular work done?”; “I hate learning new stuff on the computer-I’m so awful at it”. Then acknowledge where they are and make the outcome something that supports employees as well as clients and your bottom line.

Letting them know you’ve thought about them makes all the difference to ‘buy-in’. That’s how you Communicate with Influence.

Conservative leadership candidate and MP Kellie Leitch has created quite an uproar on social media over her latest video. The problem is the video is being ridiculed by just about everyone who sees it. That’s not the reason you make a video. That’s bad! No matter what she says now, that video will be in the way. It’s turned out to be a big waste of money, time, and political and social capital.

I’m not taking a position on her politically. I want you to see what bad coaching can do. The camera angles are bizarre: what is she looking at when she gazes off to the side of the room? Why does she pause in the middle of a sentence just for the fun of it? She is speaking too slowly, she isn’t speaking directly to her audience (“one would say”…instead of “you would say”) and she looks completely uncomfortable. And that makes us uncomfortable as we watch the video. All of this to say that I wasn’t listening to the message because I was so fascinated by the train wreck that was the presentation.

If you are going to work with a coach then ask some questions: Why do you want me to speak faster or slower? How can I get better at presenting and still be myself? Why can’t I use my hands when I speak? (Answer: you must use your hands if you are a ‘hand talker’ — no exceptions)

Be comfortable, be confident, be a better version of yourself not some artificial version of who someone else thinks looks and sounds ‘good’. If it’s not authentic it’s a waste of your time and money.

This link to the video is from CityNews. I tried to get it from her campaign site but it had already been taken down. Like I said, waste of time and money.

http://www.citynews.ca/video/2017/02/27/video-kellie-leitchs-video-on-canadian-values-causes-uproar-on-social-media/

When you say something and then say the word ‘but’ it means “everything I just said I don’t mean. It’s one of the most common communication problems that we encounter every day.

“You are a great employee but we have an issue with you getting your reports in on time.”

“That is a great idea but what we’re looking for is a faster solution.”

“I really love you but…” Everyone has heard that one at some point!

Here’s the solution. Instead of using the word ‘but’, use the word ‘and’. Or, just make two statements.

You are a great employee. One thing to improve your performance would be to get those reports in on time. What can we do to support that? What that does is make a compliment a compliment. It’s not conditional but authentic. Then, acknowledge an issue with performance and see what can be done to support the employee. Maybe things are ‘out of whack’ in the department. Maybe there is a bigger problem that needs attention.

Let’s look at the other examples:

“That is a great idea but…” really means “yeah, yeah let’s just get on with it because that’s not the direction we’re taking”. Try it this way: “That is a great idea. It may take too long to implement. Let’s take a look at a solution that we can get to faster.”

And finally, “I love you and you look amazing in that outfit.”

Don’t give a compliment and then snatch it away before you add your next comment. It’s not kind and it’s not authentic. And, everyone knows what you are doing, so it’s not effective either.

When you walk into a board room, a meeting room, an office, or any place where you need to influence the people sitting there then you need the ability to ‘read the room’.

Reading the room is a skill that can save you in front of an audience. If you fail to read the room it will kill your opportunity to influence your audience. Case in point, Donald Trump at the Al Smith charity dinner in NYC the day after the third Presidential Debate.

What Donald should have known:

• He was speaking to Hillary’s crowd
• He telegraphs emotions with his tone
• He’s not a natural joke teller so he’s already awkward and stiff coming in the door
• He was reading directly from his notes which affects tone of voice
• Remember he was on live TV
• They are Boo-ing the material

He needed to lighten his tone, become more familiar with his notes (again, the failure to prepare), and poke more fun at himself before he went after his opponent. We humans operate on a system of mirror neurons in social settings. We tend to mirror the feelings of the people we are talking with. His harsh tone made people uncomfortable so it was hard for them to go with him. They were mirroring his anger which made them feel awkward because they were her people. He needed to recognize that fact instead of abusing them for it in his opening comments (“…you loved me when I was a Democrat and now…”)

When you are boo’d it’s over. Be nice, say something sweet (“I’m so glad to have had this chance to be a part of a great tradition of supporting children…”) and then sit down. It’s over. You’ve lost them.

Hillary, by the way, had a few clunkers herself. She wasn’t feeling the love for ole Donald and that came across in her tone but, for the most part, she carried it off. And they forgave her because they are her crowd — people she knows, are politically aligned with her, and share her values. They were mirroring affection after she opened with how much she cared about them (“…basket of adorables..”).

So the moral of the story is:

• Know your audience and how to connect with then
• Practice your material, especially if it’s jokes. If humour was easy to do we’d all be making a living doing stand-up
• It’s not about you it’s about your audience
• Be aware of how you are being received. If you’ve lost them then sit down and wait for another opportunity.

My thanks, as always, to Donald Trump. He’s the gift that just keeps giving.

Yes, it’s about Donald Trump again. His latest comments about women are disgusting. Period. Looking through the lens of presentation skills, there is something here that everyone can learn from when it comes to making an apology, public or otherwise. I run across this with clients when I’m doing media training. It’s the “I don’t want to apologize but I’m supposed to so I’m going to ‘backdoor it'” strategy. People who adopt this strategy feel an apology is beneath them.

If you have chosen to take the high road then good for you! The next step is to apologize fully and completely. Be sincere, don’t blame or deflect onto someone else (Bill Clinton on the golf course) and don’t ever use the word ‘if’ as in “I apologize IF anyone was offended”. That’s not an apology. It doesn’t fix anything, it’s insincere, everyone knows you don’t mean it and that just makes your situation worse. It’s right up there with “I really love you but…”. When you hear that you know the next phrase out of the mouth of your loved one won’t be loving, right?

If you want to see an example of an apology that was well done, look up Michael McCain’s on YouTube after the listeria outbreak at Maple Leaf Foods. Watch his face carefully, watch where he swallows after telling Canadians how sorry he was for the loss of life and loss of trust. The apology was offered in words and through body language.

We communicate through words and body language. In fact, 55% of how we feel about communication is based on how someone looks (38% is based on how we sound and 7% on content).

When you are truly sorry there is no ‘if’ about it.